On Procreation

It’s absolutely great that people have children. The more the better, really. Reproducing is just a natural part of life! Children are wonderful! Children are so cute! Humans are the best creature the world has ever seen! Look at these really happy Catholic children for example!


As you can tell that was me being the voice of preposterous human-egoism. I’ve been looking at http://www.VHEMT.org (The Voluntary Human Extinction Movement). This is a website that asserts that as a species we have a moral obligation to stop breeding. The planet is our only Mother and we have no right to terrorize it and destroy everything that it has created over billions and billions of years. Most people just think, ‘God that’s extreme!’ and think people who advocate human extinction are nazis. For example, this really typical American; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rm1QojjwGdo (The video is only about 3 mins and will be great to help you understand the principles of the movement, and the response of a typical thicko).


The crucial thing to acknowledge with VHEMT is that they are not advocating genocide, but dying out through not continuing to reproduce. They respect all life forms as much as anybody else, they just don’t see the value in creating new ones. They aren’t saying more death, they are saying less death. If you think that this is extreme in any way, then you are simply failing to understand it. What is extreme is the apocalypse which we are contributing to out of selfishness and a lack of knowledge.

I’d like to make it clear early on that this blog is not intended to stop people from having children, or attack them for doing so, all I intend to do is attack the ignorance that manifests itself even in seemingly intelligent human beings. My parents, academic persons of the past and future, my friends’ parents, have all produced multiple offspring and probably thought little about the consequences, or the nature of this decision. We need to be making informed decisions about stuff like this. What deeply worries me and makes me feel contempt for people is when they fail to realise that certain behaviours of theirs are a moral imperative, simply because these behaviours are commonplace. For example eating meat. I did this for 20 years, completely oblivious to the damage I was causing to the environment and the pain I was causing to other animals, and for no reasons other than greed. Are people who eat meat aware of this? No. I consider myself to be a person who thinks a lot. About a lot of things. Extensively. If I’ve only just came to this conclusion, how can we expect other people to? This is a perfect example of how our government has completely failed us, by failing to educate us about basic realities that are monumental to the development of humanity, and the entire world itself.

People who have kids seem to think that what they’re doing is really original, “OOH LOOK AT THIS VERY YOUNG CHILD THAT’S FALLEN OUT OF ME, OH LOOK HOW CUTE IT IS, OH I LOVE IT SO MUCH ISN’T THIS EXPERIENCE SO PROFOUND KEVIN?”

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No it’s not original at all Caroline you completely ordinary and disappointing human being. The other 7 billion humans around you are testament to that fact. Children aren’t even cute anyway really if you look at them realistically, they are the same as adults, only much smaller and much less intelligent.

To the whole ‘procreation is a natural urge’ argument, VHEMT provide a response;

‘Humans, like all creatures, have urges which lead to reproduction. Our biological urge is to have sex, not to make babies. Our “instinct to breed” is the same as a squirrel’s instinct to plant trees: the urge is to store food, trees are a natural result. If sex is an urge to procreate, then hunger’s an urge to defecate’

This is a very, very interesting idea I am sure you will agree, the idea that we are an accidental by-product of a peculiar and incomprehensible desire and not the intended result of it. The theory that not to produce is ‘unnatural’ is clearly the product of an embarrassing lack of knowledge on the subject.

Having a child is an act that gets completely reversed by human beings. Having a child is considered a good thing. But I want to evaluate what reasons people have for doing it.  And they are almost all egoistic ones. How does one justify sentencing another human to life and death in an age of ecological collapse, capitalism and massive overcrowdedness?

Because they want to see them self and a partner combined into one. And wouldn’t that child be darn good lookin eh?

Because they want a child to be proud of and demonstrate their success through, perhaps having failed to do this in their own life.

Because they want the company in old age. (They want to create a slave basically).

I could offer many more but these are perhaps the main perpetrators…This page by the VHEMT is fucking sick, give it a read http://vhemt.org/biobreed.htm#babies on this page they have a table that shows every single possible reason people have to reproduce and identify what it actually is.

I watched the politics debate the other day, and when they routinely move onto the whole ‘building houses’ talk it sickens me. Building more houses is to everyone the only solution to rapid population increase. We’ll keep laying concrete over everything until the Earth is wrapped in a crunchy shell of rubble and the only creatures that survive alongside us will be the rats and the pigeons. Which we will eventually end up eating once we have killed and eaten everything else, and then aliens that discover us in the future will laugh at us, calling us the ‘pigeon and rat eating species’. Or maybe the pigeons and rats will become smart and develop an evil plan to start fucking each other and produce a super species that will reproduce even more rapidly than us and then colonise the earth, wiping us all out? This would be amusing.

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Politicians also always talk about how jobs need to be created also, like this is a noble thing we should be doing-creating jobs. They talk about it like it’s the government’s failure that is causing unemployment. Yes it is, but not because of economic incompetence or any other bullshit things which we are also bullshit at, but because of the government’s failure to educate us about the dangers we are faced with globally in terms of resources, and land size. Lack of jobs are again an inevitable consequence of our attitude towards breeding which like our attitudes to most things which have a direct influence on the world, is born out of ignorance and selfishness. It flummoxes me how the immediate response to over population is to make more jobs. It would be hilarious if it wasn’t so tragic.

This lack of housing and employment points to a much wider problem. That people simply fail to address through a desire not to offend, not to appear extreme and ultimately, a desire not to appear a hypocrite when they go on to fulfil their own egoistic desires, or if they already have done so by having their own children. These people are protecting humans who do not exist yet, and also massively threatening humans who do not exist yet at the same time, by casting them into a ruthless world full of people, PEOPLE EVERYWHERE!!!! AARRRRGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!


Like I said in my last blog, we are sliding towards a shit apocalypse. And our attitude towards procreation is one of the main causes.

This is where Russell Brand is simply a horn-billed platypus. He attacks only capitalism for the destruction of the ecosystem. Whilst capitalism is responsible, it thrives and depends solely upon the growth of population which we are politely obliging. If you care so much about the environment Russell then promote birth control and raise awareness about the destructiveness of an ever increasing population, you prick. Him saying anything of this nature is about as likely as him saying anything about the destructive nature of religious faith. Not going to happen due to desire not to lose members of flock, and lack of true ability to think realistically.

If you’ve been alive for the past forty years you will have seen the Earth’s entire population multiply by 2. But why is population increase a bad thing? Because humans depend on resources. Think about how much plastic you consume in a week. The amount of water it takes to feed cattle that you eat unnecessarily. Electricity. Water. Paper. Oil. Every human being makes a massive difference to the destruction of the ecosystem throughout their lifetime. I don’t think the extent of this damage is understood by anyone, even myself. The Earth’s resources are finite, our reproductive patterns are behaving as if they are infinite.


The question we need to ask is, WHY? WHY? WHY?

WHY are we continuing to reproduce despite all of these cold hard facts about the hideousness of the future? I guarantee no body in this Universe will be able to provide a valid answer. In fact I challenge you to do so.

If you are interested in this, check out this really great foreign guy talking his wife who is also great and foreign; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXrU2GzY-Do

I remember when I was very young my sister told me she didn’t want a kid and I went mad ranting at her that this was unacceptable. Now I’m 21 and she is 27 our positions have reversed. I want to have a child myself. But whether I’ll choose this in favour of a clear conscience is yet to be determined…

My thoughts on the coming election and our democracy

It has reached that time of year when political surmises are rife. And sadly, we all gravitate our thinking towards politics. It would be tremendously tedious for me to write a scathing piece about the current political system, so I will try to make it as light-hearted and facetious as possible. If you are currently fortunate enough to be basking in the golden shower of political apathy, then you are far luckier than I am, and I would urge you strongly to continue as you are doing, and above all enjoy your life. The reality of our slide towards the abyss, and our powerlessness to change anything is depressing, but somehow I am attracted to the horror of it all. The attraction is comparable to the one we have for horror films. Did I enjoy watching the Hills Have Eyes people raping each other? No but I was attracted to it, because it exists. And if it exists I desire know about it, for various reasons. images As it is approaching the election, I have 3 choices, all of which I have been persuaded to do by different people, and 2 of which I will consider doing. I’m sure that many of you also find yourself at exactly the same crossroads:  

  1. Do not vote, as a sign of protest
  2. Vote Green and support the environment and radical reform.
  3. Vote labour in order to take votes off the conservatives, who are almost indisputably the worst party of them all, and who I’d least like to get into power (narrowly).

To not vote seems very appealing to me. The logic with it is that I don’t support the political system, therefore surely a ballot paper with one of the 7 parties names on it would represent a tangible form of agreement with it. What will this option achieve? Nothing, it is futile.

To vote Green is what I’ve convinced myself I’m going to do at this election. It deeply saddens me that Natalie Bennett is their leader, she doesn’t have a clue what the correct things are to say, and seems so out of touch with the British people. However the Greens are the only party (apart from UKIP) who will truly implement radical reform, which is what we are in dire need of. People will go on about lack of jobs, privatisation of the NHS, discrimination, cuts all the time on social media, and party members will use these things to increase the size of their flock. But these are humanistic issues. Humans are going to die eventually. To most people humans are the only important thing, we have acquired a fucking divinity purely because our parents produced us one day without our permission. Climate change and the eco-system are far more important and the impending apocalypse renders all humanistic issues trivial and absurd. Even if you overtly assert that the planet is unimportant and that humans are paramount in the world, then you are committing a vile hypocrisy. Humans are the ones who will suffer the most from climate change. The predictions about the volume of water on the Earth in the near future are staggering. Our negligence of the environment is melting the ice caps. The ice caps are fucking big by the way, and the water that melts from them goes directly into the sea, this is literally burying land. Land which will be thriving with an ENORMOUSLY increased population. Picture this. It is like a really crowded and shit, apocalyptic film. It’s going to be the end of everything, and I guarantee it will be sooner than you think if our political system doesn’t abolish itself, or change dramatically. For these reasons a green vote would not be entirely futile (but still incredibly fucking futile). Natalie Bennett comments

To vote Labour is what many people I know are doing. Few because they approve of their policies, the majority argue that a vote towards labour is ‘the lesser of two evils’ and is the only vote which will be significant in getting the Conservatives the fuck out of there. I see what they are doing here. But come on for fuck’s sake, if you do this who have you become? The second worst thing you could possibly be, a labour voter. Labour still support trident. Labour have made fairytale promises in order to acquire supporters that involve crippling the economy by borrowing massive amounts of money, whilst still doing nothing about the most important problem of all. Labour have paedophiles in their ranks. Labour used to be ran by Tony Blair, one of the worst human beings you will ever have set eyes upon. Fuck that. Ed Miliband says action by the GMB to cut its funding makes a case for reform of party-union link I still don’t know what I shall do about this. I’m drawn to a reluctant vote for the greens. But I’m still very depressed about it. I am powerless in this all, I really am. The system prides itself on its having given me power, but this is a preposterous lie. Democracy sounds great in theory, especially in the Revenge Of The Sith when Anakin becomes addicted to smack and tries to kill Obi Wan; “Anikin my allegiance is to the Republic. TO DEMOCRACY!” maxresdefault (I could watch the fight that follows over and over again, God I love Ewan Mcgregor. He’s like the Scottish Sean Bean 🙂 What happened to Hayden Christensen, why don’t I see him in anything? Did he actually become Darth Vader?) So democracy sounds great. It sounds like it’s the best thing. (Despite what we live in not actually being a democracy, I’m going to call it one anyway for convenience). It sounds like the best of the acys, certainly. But the ultimate question for me is ‘Can the people be trusted?’. No of course not. Most people are passive, selfish and lack any knowledge of anything. Exactly how you would expect the oblivious products of a rampant capitalist system to be. To expand on this, the question is probably better phrased; ‘Do the people know what is best for them?’. Again the answer is an insurmountable, spit in your face kick you in the teeth no. Most people haven’t come to this conclusion but I find it impenetrable; ‘ An uninformed vote is far, far more dangerous than and uninformed abstention’ Literally, if you want to have an influence on the most important issues that surround us, you have to have applied an interest in these things, you have to have the vaguest idea what is going on, at least. If not you will obviously vote for a horrible party, which is what most people are doing, out of conformity and a desire for personal gain. Is the personal gain you get from voting conservatives if you’ve got money going to benefit the country as a whole? Of course not. Even knowledgeable people with an active interest in politics are being forced to vote for parties they don’t want to vote for in order to prevent another party from gaining power. This is therefore not a democracy, but an utter shambles. People approach the ballot box from extremely bad perspectives. Perhaps they’ve fallen for some of the curdled platitudes that are erupted from Ed Miliband’s sloth face as he looks at the camera with a smile of reprehensible compassion, and declares his party the ‘party of the people’. A political leader (like Nick Clegg did in the debate with mental health, which nobody seems to have noticed, worryingly) might raise an issue that attracts a group of people who are vulnerable, and will literally select that party based on that one principle despite knowing nothing of absolutely anything else. I sighed and provided my face with an instant face palm when I found out that my mother and her partner will be voting conservative this election, and would suggest that this represents a perfect example of the principle I have just mentioned. It’s not your fault Mum, you just don’t show an interest in politics, so your vote is bound to be a bag full of putrid filth and unwanted!  I watch nearly every single episode of Russell Brand’s Trews and I still revere the man for using his fame for a noble cause. I can see why people don’t like him, because of his narcissism, of course. But the man genuinely wants peace. Revolution is the only hope for humanity, and it is a slim pipe dream at best. Every episode I watch I see Russell repeating the same things and drawing attention to current affairs as they get worse and worse and worse, and I see a tiredness in his eyes as he desperately calls for revolution, knowing the that we have no desire to enact it.  And with every week that passes by, no such revolution occurs… Keep your blog posts, comments and stati coming, they do make a difference. It is just a case of damage limitation now. Bear in mind that you’re going to be bringing kids into the future, who will also bring kids into the future, probably continuously. All I would advise to you for the coming month is… Don’t be a cunt. images (1)   (“Subscribe here, SUBSCRIBE here!”)

The Recreation Uniform

I think I’m going to write about recreation, the way in which people choose to have their play-time. This is a recurring theme for people of my age. In this piece of writing I’m going to evaluate the manner in which people choose to intoxicate themselves and pursue their kicks week-in, week-out.

Alcohol is the universal drug of choice. (And a drug it most certainly is) Not only is it a legal drug, it is encouraged and embraced by all walks of the community as the “done thing”, recreationally. No one questions it. I have been thinking about why.


It was my 20th last Friday, I had a bad one. I started drinking early and continued to drink heavily and frequently into the latter stages of the night. From start to finish I was a sinking ship. My speech was bullshit, I barely remember a single person from the myriads of strangers that were colonising in my lounge. I just remember speaking bull shit. Oh imagine the bull shit that was spoken. I was probably arguing very drunkenly and over-passionately with some glory bastard who supports United about how talented Stewart Downing is as a footballer. (this has happened numerous times, I’m always alone, I always lose the argument and I’m generally always hated by the end of it) I just remember going into the fridge to eat these meat balls, I must have gone back and forth about 7 times within the space of 1 minute and 30 seconds, a sight which was probably very much enjoyed by the group of spectators present.

Earlier in the day I went for a shop at Aldi and on entry there was a fireworks display, and immediately I fell in love with the idea of the “MEGA BLASTER!!!” because let’s face it, a party isn’t a real party without one. The pack consisted of about 7 different fireworks of several different varieties. I didn’t have to think twice about buying it. I was fucking smashed when we decided to let them off. I don’t remember much of what ensued, only that I got bored of watching them, and decided to let them off in my own hands and brandish them around like some kind of “Twisted Fire-starter” I didn’t know what the fireworks were, I couldn’t read the label, couldn’t be bothered even. If it was a rocket though, all hell would be let loose and in the future I’d probably be wanking with my left hand.  I’ve seen a video recorded of it, and its basically just this hopelessly loud bloke bouncing around shouting things like “Yeah baby!” in some kind of drunken pyro-euphoria.  I suppose I’m just a young boy who can’t handle his mega blaster.

Later three of my friends really let me down for no apparent reason, and the night culminated in me seeking desperate counsel from some of my unfortunate house mates who thoughtfully obliged. Thanks house mates (especially Waldo, thank you for everything Waldo, and I’m sorry I keep stealing your shit). After they left though, I ended up a crying heap on my bed and rang about 3 of my best friends for support. That was my last memory of the night. I don’t even know why I was crying, my life’s all right, couId be better, but I can’t complain, the future’s bright. I don’t really have much shame in admitting this, emotions can be impossible to harness when you’re drunk, and at that time, I was on a different planet.

From my experience, the extreme of being drunk, and I mean extreme is basically just a living hell. You’re trapped in your own head, the room starts spinning and you can’t even think straight. Everything outside your head is so intense, you just want to crawl up and be nothing to do with it. I appreciate that some people will just fall asleep, and some people haven’t ventured this far, but when you have, you’ll know what I’m talking about. 

So usually an ethanol powered night goes roughly like this; You have a few drinks at your house, put a few merry tunes on and then it’s time to leave with you loyal comrades. You look forward to seeing a girl you like, or whatever. With any luck, she likes you back and you’ll pull her, oh it is exciting isn’t it? After a couple of Gaymers’ finest pear cider you’ve got that Dutch courage to pull you through. You’re a bit tipsy, being a bit bolder than you normally would in speech, your confidence is high; brilliant. Its all good up until now really, but you’re happy so what do you do? Drink. You’re drifting away from reality but that’s good, reality is overrated anyway. Let’s forget our lives, pretend our problems don’t exist, just for tonight. Just keep drinking, drinking is “radical” man, the idea of drinking large amounts is always so appealing. Drinking makes you lose your rational thought so the more drunk you get the more you’ll continue to drink. “4 shots of your finest Sambuca please barman” “£12.65 please mate” Shit. Who cares? We’re getting hammered, We just don’t give a fuck.

Without realising it you’re on a journey to a destination that doesn’t exist. The only destination you’ve got a ticket to is a bad one, hopefully everyone’s so fucked they don’t remember, including you, but you could be visiting somewhere nasty where you’re a mess and you fuck up badly. Violence? Humiliation? Loss of possessions? All absolute mother fuckers, and there’s always many more out there to be discovered.

The thing that strikes me about poisoning yourself with alcohol is that, when you consume it, you are effectively switching yourself off. You are putting your mind and body to bed. If you drink it in enough volume, you will fall asleep, or ultimately; die. You are reducing your awareness and concentration. (which is the primary cause for the illegality of drink-driving) Alcohol reduces you to your primitive instincts. If some lad tries to insult you, you want to fight them. I usually tread on thin ice and find unique ways to provoke people (who I can already tell are bad people, but I’m still being a little piece of shit). People get that “look in their eyes” as they scan the vacinity for a mate. Much like animals. Horrideous bastards can be seen rubbing their pubic area against the posteria of unconsenting girls all around.

You begin to deviate from your regular mannerisms and ways of speaking, I.E- act like a wanker. Penelope might fall over and get thrown out, she might later try and defend her horrideous behaviour by suggesting that she’s “been spiked” We all know Penelope truly has NOT been spiked. So shut up. An average night out you’ll shake hands with 3 or 4 boys who’s name you won’t remember, you may not even like these people but because of the drink you’ll bloody do it anyway. Alcohol leads to affection which would never in a million years have taken place in the cold light of day. Ever been to McDonalds on a night out? Hell. It’s full of a species of homo-sapien who suffer from emptiness of the cranium.  There’s always some smashed little streak of piss called Quentin trying to hug the poor big Nigerian bouncer called Lazarus, saying something like “Mate can we be friends??!!!!” to amuse his friends, they are amused. Quentin proceeds to the counter and buys a big mac and chips which he only eats half of, on exit he shakes hands with the bouncer and says “I love you mate take care of yourself!!!!” Quentin, you’re making a fucking tit out of yourself, now go to bed you stupid c**t.

Whenever I go out at there’s no loyalty whatsoever. In terms of lads, you’re not out on the night out together really. People won’t think twice about leaving you to go out on their own devices. In this way, alcohol separates you from each other. I have a mate actually, Julius he’s called brilliant, brilliant guy, who always has some kind of mysterious ulterior motive which emerges after a few glasses of vodka.  When he gets drunk, he disappears through the cracks into dark places that no one knows about, engaging in treachery and bizarre behaviours which are completely unaccountable, and never spoken of again. Absolutely no consideration for friends whatsoever. People get into states where the last thing they want to do is actually answer their phone. Its all about the lack of awareness. All too many times I remember walking around clubs aimlessly, up to new floors, out in the smoking areas, to find no one.  I always end up going home with someone who I didn’t come out with, it might be Julius’s flat mates who actually think I’m a dick, or some girl that Dorridge Cornfred may or may not have slept with in one drunken night of passion (In- joke) “Where did you get to last night Zenith? I totally lost you bro” asked Molvern “Sincerest apologies Molvern, I was so very intoxicated that I haven’t got the foggiest idea where I got to” Like thats a fucking valid excuse Zenith you desperate little mollusc bastard.

I’ve had so many nights when I don’t remember what happened, and I suppose it is difficult to determine whether its possible to have had a good night if you don’t remember it. The conclusion I’ve came to is that no, if you can’t remember it, It can’t be good, you might as well not have been doing anything at all.

Good things can’t really possibly happen at events called “VODBULL” or “CARNAGE” That’s something I’ve conceded. That’s why I used to hop the fence at Revs- If ever I were to pay to enter a place so full of debauchery, tasteless music, and single cell organisms flocking around chatting bull shit about their bull shit lives, I would lose a piece of my soul. I might as well make a game out of it, if you’re smart and you win, the rewards are self-explanatory. As you may have heard I specialise in expedience and subterfuges. I like playing games. As I stand in the queue I am ever-looking for opportunities. I observe the eye-line of the bouncers all in one image using my falcon-like peripheral vision. As soon as they are distracted by some whopper somewhere and people are pre occupied with chat and music, the moment comes. I hop the metal fence briskly and rush up the stairs with the bouncer in quick pursuit. Now here’s the fun part, I quickly migrate to wherever the masses of people are congregating and blend into that crowd just like the Creed and lose that big bastard right away. I produce a smug grin of satisfaction as I watch the meaty ex-criminal lumbering up the stairs, irate and looking intently for the perpetrator, to no avail. He won’t find me. That’s my night’s worth of fun. Haha now I’m here I might as well get my free drinks worth then…….

Back to more solemn issues then; I had to get away from Birmingham on Saturday night, and arrived in Loughborough at approximately 2:30 am. The town is in disarray. Fucking Siberian wasteland. And I’ve never been so ashamed to be alive really. Everywhere scum. Mindless thugs were jumping about everywhere, insulting people, trying to start fights. I saw people who were so fucked that their facial features were all in the wrong places, people lying on pavements, sprawling around with crowds looking over, not even surprised about what they’re seeing. Angry people gurning to themselves in the dark corners of the room. On the dance-floor aggressive monsters were leaving their shoulder out there as they storm through, Where are they going? You don’t have to do anything to start a fight, that’s what they’re in town for. They’re looking for a reason to batter you, because that’s the only thing that can comfort them in life. Rats. Society would be better if they all vanished off the face of the Earth ( I think you know what I originally put for that sentence)

Lets talk about deaths shall we; In 2011 there were 8,748 alcohol-related deaths in the UK, 42 fewer than in 2010 (8,790)(

http://www.ons.gov.uk/ons/rel/subnational-health4/alcohol-related-deaths-in-the-united-kingdom/2011/alcohol-related-deaths-in-the-uk–2011.html) According to The Mail; Its more like 30, 000. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-102707/Alcohol-deaths-rise-third.html) I think that’s more like it. Imagine the volume of alcohol fuelled fights in major cities like Manchester and Birmingham, not to mention fucking Greater London. People fight on nights out, and people are drunk. Then these people die. They’re probably not defined in these statistics. If they don’t die they can become seriously injured, and end up clogging up “casualty wards all over the land” That costs money. (Yes this a point that corresponds with “The Irony Of It All” by The Streets a brilliant, brilliant song, and if you haven’t seen it, you MUST watch it http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EZx5OgKQNrA) Again The Mail tells us that “Alcohol misuse is costing the NHS up to £3billion a year, with more than 28,000 hospital admissions caused by alcohol dependence or poisoning” (This information can be found on the same hyper-link) Its not the money we should be bothered about though, it’s just wrong isn’t it? Seriously wrong. And there is absolutely nothing that anyone is ever going to do about it. Another means of death from this poisonous liquid is its resident addiction; alcoholism. A nasty, nasty fucker that goes hand in hand with liver disease. I think we can all agree but I don’t have time to talk about that.

Don’t even get me started on smoking. A useless habit. A waste of money, and it kills. Another perfectly legal drug. 114,000, 20% of deaths world wide. Those statistics speak for themselves.

Drinking alcohol is nothing compared to smoking drugs. Smoking the Magic Clover (that’s what the gangsters call it, I think) is absolutely terrible. I hear stories about little yobs sitting in garages for hours on end, talking to each other and listening to hip hop music and it sickens my stomach. Weed is a terrible substance, it’s definitely Class B and illegal for highly valid reasons, I mean look at the deaths that it causes per year…… Oh wait actually, apologies, I seem to have my facts mixed up, there haven’t been any recorded fatalities from it, ever. When these groups of people smoke devil grass together, they sit down, do nothing, eat, philosophise, laugh together. Criminals. Someone needs to stop them they are a threat to society.

Smoking weed can have adverse effects if it is done in excess. But so can most substances, too many chips will make you a fat lump of shit with a heart that struggles to pump blood round the entire circumference of your bingo-wings. “All things in moderation”- Aristotle. People debate whether it is addictive or not, but its not, its really not. It’s a lifestyle choice. If you’re smoking it way, way too much, its your life that’s the problem, not the doob. It amazes me what people think about weed sometimes. If you’re an educated person, and especially after looking at all the deaths and financial implications of alcohol in statistic form, and you still maintain that cannabis is worse than alcohol, then you’re just a bit simple really aren’t you mate?

I’m not going to endeavour to defend ecstasy, partly because I can’t be arsed, but acknowledge that fights don’t result from it, in most cases; just happiness and union between friends and a love for music. The bad stories that come from it (and there are bad stories) are a result of stupidity and ignorance. Buying it off an unreliable source is what costs people. If you know what you’re getting, and how much to have, I have no problem with people taking ecstasy. The problem is people don’t know what they’re getting or how much. Pill-Poppers nights have meaning, they go to support musicians they love, and the crowds there are all assembled in an almost harmonic appreciation for each other and the music they are listening to.  27 deaths for ecstasy last year. A pattern seems to be emerging…..

There is a lot passion in that. There are only two types of events which I have seen which have the capability to make a man raise both of his arms and push his chest out, and dance music events are one of them- The other is football. I believe Passion is an intelligence, and at fucking Pop World Funky Fridays, I’m telling you now there really is no passion whatsoever.

If you’ve continued reading this article up to this point, then you will probably be thinking that I’m strongly discouraging the use of alcohol. I drink it myself and will continue to drink it (I know loads of people would love it if I actually came out and said that alcohol legality, or even consumption was absolutely wrong, just to call me a hypocrite and think they’re being really original and clever) I’m not saying it’s wrong. I just think society is very deluded about the reality of drugs, and alcohol’s reputation should be more in question. I just want the monotonous characters who discriminate against weed and ecstasy who go out every weekend to do the same thing, at the same places, over and over again for no real cause to open their minds to the bigger picture. They won’t though The nights are mindless and insipid, they have no purpose.  Because it’s what everyone does, and its comfortable for them for that reason. There is safety in numbers. The majority can’t be wrong can they?

On the night before my birthday I went to a poetry slam event, and then with another lad who’s birthday it was as well planned on going out on Broad St. I had a few beers but it just made me feel tired. Alcohol can do that unfortunately. I had an epiphany really. It was about 23:50 when I looked around me and I was surrounded by nothing but whopping people, making a mess out of themselves, Livestock they were. I had to leave, nothing good could come of it, so I turned 20 in a cab back to Selly Oak on my own. Nice.

The compulsion that people have for alcohol and cigarettes is in itself quite depressing, maybe it’s the symptoms of something else? Alcohol is a refuge, and always will be. It’s embedded in society way too deep now, its commerce is way too strong if nothing else. It’s the blood of Christ for God’s sake!!!! Its been drank for thousands of years by eskimos and tribesmen and kings and politicians and it won’t stop now. In an ideal world things would be abolished, but the country is set in its ways. What makes people happy is alcohol and fags, they destroy people in abundance but they make people happy, and if you took them away the chaos that would ensue is quite frankly unimaginable. The problem will never be addressed because we are too weak to make decisions that are for the better of the country, because they disappoint the majority of its population. (Not that this problem of alcohol is exclusively a U.K one, its not) I’m in danger of sounding political here, and I will admit that I know nothing about politics whatsoever. I’ll say no more about it, I’ll just pretend its a problem thats not there like everyone else seems to be doing. Good to talk about these things though bro (Y)

For some people, the alcoholic routine is great, they love life, that’s great, keep it going! Just don’t fucking tweet endlessly about your hangover and we can surely maintain our friendship. I’m just not that simple, as I have listed there are way too many reasons to be sceptical about it and not enough to accept it with open arms so readily. We have to just find our own sub-cultures and celebrate our own individuality in whatever way we can. I’m lucky because I have one, and it really is the best, we know exactly what we are doing, and recreational life could not be better. Fashion, music, humour its all spot on with the Southampton boys, and it will be for many years to come.  I’m making memories and having experiences which I will treasure for the rest of my life, and luckily I have so much more than the banal, pointless, mediocrity that takes place on nights out. Oh yeah, and stay away from fireworks.


After a few successive days of thinking, watching, talking about and even participating in the physical battles between homo sapiens I have decided to get down some of my thoughts and ideas so that people can hopefully develop an understanding or a different point of view.  I suppose my writing here could be interpreted as a persuasive article opposing human-on-human fighting.

Having been outside the bus stops in town a lot between the hours of 3 and 4 AM I have witnessed first hand many arguments between people which have resulted in physical assault. A common or typical example of the circumstances of one of these fights is that Jeremy lamps Gottfried because Gottfried has previously had sexual intercourse with Jeremy’s current fancy-piece. Or perhaps Gottfried accidentally knocks into poor Jeremy and Jeremy isn’t best pleased. (always truly pathetic reasons).Verbal dross pours from both gentlemen’s’ mouths such as “I’ll fucking knock you out mate” and most commonly and most hideous of all; “Do you KNOW who I am?”. Often the boys Jeremy and Gottfried have had one too many single malt whiskeys which add fuel to the fire and enhance their stupidity and willingness to forcefully launch fists or crash their forehead viciously into the vulnerable hooter of another person. 9 times out of 10 Jeremy will be with numerous members of the Basingstoke working men’s club, who he will summon to join him in the epic brawl that ensues and what could safely be described as an “absolute pounding” of Gottfried. There are inevitable repercussions. Gottfried doesn’t know anything about Jeremy. Depending on how immoral and in poverty Jeremy is he may not even think twice about kicking his foe on the ground, spitting on him, stamping on him or using other implements such as a baseball bat or even  a knife to inflict pain. Either way; in these fights Gottfried is extremely vulnerable to extreme pain or permanent damage. As you can understand from my thoroughly concise analogy, the consequences for a potentially innocent Gottfried are astounding.

You can never beat scum. I could think of hundreds of incidents in which my friends have been attacked unfairly or unawares, and it has happened to me before as I was minding my own business sitting up against a wall with a girl. Scum do not have the intelligence or humility to fight fairly, they will utilise any advantage that they can find. I have seen bouncers rucking with lads who had no desire for trouble whatsoever, who didn’t need to be restrained at all, hitting them repeatedly, and apprehending them needlessly with true brutality. There is nothing more angering than when this happens, and it is all the more reason to avoid fights with strangers, as they could be anybody, and whether you end up lying on the pavement will not be determined by the stronger or more courageous, but the more corrupt and nasty.

Fighting is an animalistic thing. Humans are not biologically conditioned to fight each other. We don’t have two fuck-off horns on our craniums, or claws or some shit .We aren’t wired up like the green goblin with one of those hover boards which can double up as an instrument of death and destruction. We have evolved a complicated system of ethics and values, and an intelligence that is out of this world. But like how we are drawn to sex and food, we are drawn into fights as a result of our adrenaline and to attract or gain a mate, as a show of our masculinity and authority. Pages like the Fight Depot exist for a reason, because we are drawn to fights like a moth to a flame, as even watching them is enough to evoke an adrenaline response. That is what we are getting as we stand there comically chanting “FIGHT, FIGHT FIGHT”  as two lesbians are calling each other a bitch for what they posted on Facebook and preparing for a thoroughly dangerous and enjoyable cat fight. At subway when we are not making exquisite sandwiches me and the boss are watching fight videos in awe or discussing intently his numerous experiences which have resulted in some sucker getting absolutely smashed.

 Fighting is natural. And if we don’t pursue it in illegal means, we are pursuing it wearing gloves, or fencing, kick boxing or doing various martial arts, all in which the same thrill can be achieved.

Ok. Now forget the streets, forget the chest pushing, squaring up and gutter language. Look at it from a different perspective. Imagine in the animal kingdom, the elegant sequence of a heated battle between two stag beetles Derek and Ricardo. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8dlMFH47kKc (an enthralling encounter in which Derek humiliates Ricardo here by fearlessly tossing him off a branch, narrated by an articulate and smooth talking German) Their frightening antlers which are almost the same length of their body and designed for fighting lock together and thrust one another, a telling battle of strength and endurance. Derek the noble victor’s prize for his troubles here is another beetle called Cindy, The Holly Willoughby of the beetle world. It’s some sexy beetle time tonight for Derek, that’s for sure. It becomes apparent from watching that Derek and Ricardo are Jeremy and Gottfried in disguise . It is exactly the same. Every time you see, or contemplate a fight from now, relate it to a stag beetle fight, because we are the same as them, fucking animals, we just fight differently and are under the delusion that are fights are much more civilised or complex, when they really, really are not. We just use knuckles, which let’s face it, are rather sub-standard in comparison to Derek’s fuck off antlers.

 But it’s not worth it, and I’ll tell you for why….

The main reason why I have no desire to fight another, is this. Every single human being or animal is vulnerable to one thing. Pain. Pain is a hellish prism that surrounds us from all sides, we cannot control it, it captures us and destroys us. We have particular nerves in our body which can give us levels of pain which are unimaginable. There is one of these pains which I find the worst of all, and it has only happened to me once, and every single fight one gets into, one is incredibly exposed to the possibility of it.

It is Teeth.

The most harrowing and imposing piece of footage I have ever seen (blowing any horror film out of the water) I witnessed today. It is from American History X where Neo-Nazi Edward Norton deals rather efficiently with another gentleman because he is black and attempted to tea leaf his motor. (A short clip which can be located here; http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x-CtLWb4wPQ )

When I was a fat little child and being privately educated, I picked on the wrong guy for no particular reason, and he delivered a whopping sock to the kisser and I will never forget that feeling, of being hit in the teeth. It was the most enduring and uncomfortable pain I’ve ever had. Teeth are the most delicate thing, if your teeth get rocked back, or worse still knocked out, your life is over. You can be whoever the fuck you want, Orlando, Brad, Jude  or even whatshis face from Twilight who everyone believes is so goddam attractive, but if you don’t have teeth, or a symmetrical set of whites, you aren’t going anywhere in the girls department. Your life would just be centered around your three meals of the day, which will be none other than a bowl of soup, and all of your friends will incessantly be laughing at you behind your back and nickname you Heinz or Branston or something else that’s relatively amusing, whilst chomping on their granny smiths using their angelic and pearly nashers.

At some point, we will have all been in a fight, but we should learn to avoid them, and know when people are not worth the trouble, and that isn’t being a pansy. That’s just sense. The risks are too great, and the results are rarely desirable, so fighting should be avoided at all costs unless absolutely necessary.

PLEASE learn from Ricardo, Please learn from Derek. We shouldn’t sink to that level, we should love each other and embrace friendship, passion, creativity and love, because THAT’S what makes us human. Despite my reputation as a militant atheist I admire and aspire to emulate Jesus’ Christ system of morality, He is the ultimate aspirational figure of history, and his influence on the loving world in which we have the mental strength and courage to forgive our sworn enemies and live the illustrious and righteous life of a pacifist is more than inspirational. And the new testament undeniably is a beautiful piece of scripture which should apply to our lives even today. Despite what Jesus supposedly stood for being a load of absolute rubbish, he really is the epitome of virtue, let’s face it (with due reluctance).

I’m no Achilles. I would say I was a lover not a fighter, but that would be bullshit, as my sex life is currently no more emphatic than the one belonging to Norris Cole. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want a very large skinhead to chase me around threatening to kill me again, I want to sit in my room and listen to classical music and vigorously masturbate (apart from not the vigorously masturbating part)