Postman resigns from job

It seems resignations are all the rage these days. In recent weeks we’ve had Nigel Farage resign as UK Prime-Minister, Roy Hodgson giving up his position as UKIP leader, David Cameron throwing in the towel as England boss, Chris Evans leaving his presenting role on Top of the Pops, and Chris Moyles leaving Radio 1 as well. As the role models and key figures of 21st century society in areas such as politics, sport, engines and radio, their resignations will undoubtedly influence many of our working public who may or may not be enjoying their own careers. We spoke to a local ex-postman about his own decision to quit posting things once and for all.

LOTR: Let’s get straight to the point shall we? You were a postman. Tell us a bit about your role.

Postman: Well I worked for the Royal Mail delivering various letters and parcels to various houses, I’ve been doing it for a period of twenty years now.

LOTR: So quite a long time then. And do you feel like you enjoyed most of your tenure as a postman?

Postman: Yes, best 20 years of my life. There really is no other job for me than being a postman. I’ve always said that.

LOTR: So what went wrong then?

Postman: Went wrong? Nothing went wrong. Why?

LOTR: Oh okay forgive me- I just thought your decision to resign meant that there was something that you might have been unhappy about. Working hours, wages, organisation, something like that?

Postman: No, no, postman was always the dream job. The smell of a good stamp in the morning, getting to know the streets, the houses, riding my big red bike with the basket at the front, saying hi to the kids and the parents and the elderly, God bless them all. Being a postman is kind of like being a celebrity, only people don’t recognise you in big cities, which is nice because I like doing shopping and going to the bank and things like that sometimes.

LOTR: So why have you decided to resign then?

Postman: I don’t really know. I thought it was a bit like striking. You know? Doesn’t everybody do it? Isn’t it a perfectly normal thing to do?

I took the time to explain to the postman what a resignation actually entails, he took it in his stride and smiled confusedly.

LOTR: So now you understand what you’ve done, do you regret your decision to quit your job?

Postman: No not really. There are plenty of things I’ve started doing since I officially resigned the other day.

LOTR: Oh right, like what?

Postman: So you mean outside of my job? I tried watching The Wimbledon Tennis at home but it was really boring and I didn’t have much time to watch it anyway. Most of my time I spend cycling round the village. Delivering cards. Packages, stuff like that…

The postman then realised all of a sudden that he had somewhere to be, and shot outside the front door of the house. I followed soon after. 

From conversations like this with the ordinary working public and from watching interviews with those celebrities who have also resigned from their jobs in recent weeks, a message has been sent out to all of Britain’s employed that doing any kind of job that you’ve got isn’t in the slightest bit essential. You can do a job, if you want. But if you don’t want to, you can just resign. Do something else. There are lots of things you can potentially do that aren’t a job, too many things to be listed here. The message is loud and clear;

‘if you want to discover the things that you can potentially do that aren’t a job or necessarily involved in any job then feel free to leave your job with a view to potentially getting another job, doing that job for a bit, doing that job forever, or resigning from that job whenever you feel like it. But don’t feel like you even really have to get a job after resigning from your current job at all if you don’t want to or feel like you might end up resigning from that job soon anyway.’

Rarely has such a liberating message been imparted to the British public, and in many areas, it is already starting to take effect.

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