Nation of the UNMARLED

On the first day


An inconsequential man

completely unremarkable

couldn’t be less emphatic.

By the kindest people’s standards

he might as well be dead

slept for fourteen weeks

then woke up in his bed.

Sits up, folded at ninety degrees

arms in the air, mouth wide open

sucking up the dust like

a whale shark sucks plankton.


He sits there until the sun gives up

waiting for something unknown

unstirred, at a perfect right angle

his joints forgot what they were for.

You’d doubt he’d ever change his ways

but he might.


On the second day


His body starts to move

listen to the creaking and clicking

as he unlocks his unremarkable

skeleton, a stalk of oxygenated blood

And muscle. The whole vessel revives.

Brain and body ready to fuck the world,

kill it, or at least run away from it.


“I am the UNMARLED man.”

Gets out of bed without making it

leaves his boring flat

marches down the street

with that UNMARLED look in his eyes.

Finds a large Government Building

sits down in front of it, at a right angle

hands in the air, goes sharky again,

mouth sucking in the urban particulates.

7 times worse than smoking a cigarette

but for the moment he does not care.

Leers at the receptionist through the window

as she rummages through the files

on a Government Computer.


Unlikable security guards appear,

in their serious Government Uniforms.

Can’t get a word out of him, so they pick

him up and throw him down the road.


He freezes, everyone thinks he’s homeless

but soon he will be revived again.


On the third day


Creak, creak. Ventricles fire UNMARLED blood

through the arteries, the UNMARLED Man

gets up and plunges through the market

leg after leg, looking like he wants it.

Battering through the bodies, the perfect skittles throw

crashes into a melon stand on purpose,

Melonskulls crushed and split on the cobbled

market floor with the labels and pieces of cardboard.

The melon man is not angry, but intrigued.

“Look at me. You are now UNMARLED.”

And with that the man sat on the floor,

90 degrees, arms, mouth, shark….

“Come with me. Bring your melons.”

They walked through the market

dumbfounded faceless civilians.

Nothing was said and all eyes stare at the UNMARLED,

The crowd step back, giving them their

own path, like they were war-lords

returning from a long and historic victory.


On the fourth day


Outside the Government building

the UNMARLED sit, this time- with melons.

Sitting together facing the glass. Unmoved.

The receptionist lady sighs, she can’t find her file

so she sits down at the desk, sees what’s outside.

Realises she’s UNMARLED, switches her

computer off at the button, and wanders out.

Joins the pair, and sits, like them,

With melons, becoming then,

staring through Government Glass.

The security guards don’t last long,

They throw their ID badges down the drain.


After hours, the Original UNMARLED man turns to

all, and cries “we are the UNMARLED, throwing Melons!”

and with that they were thrown, they smashed against

the building, melon flesh and water falling down the panes.

The siege lasted 9 hours. Melons were restocked faster

than they could be catapulted and thrown.

The building defaced, humiliated, crying melon juice tears.  

The UNMARLED growing in numbers, faster and faster.

Men, women and children of UNMARLED.


On the fifth day


It’s all getting out of hand now.

A scruffy man, desperate, losing the will to breathe

arrives at the automatic doors, hands up,

He’s practised his speech, he greets the UNMARLED

falls to his knees. “Let us go! You can have our building!

Please! I am unmarled, just like you!”

The UNMARLED did not like the way he talked

the way he dressed, the way he moved, or his face.

“This man is not UNMARLED. Show no mercy!”

they stoned him to death with cantaloupes,

stampeded over the body, and bundled through the doors.

Government Bodies pleaded to be spared, but

All were torpedoed and rocketed by the watery fruits

(it takes a long time to kill somebody with a melon)

and cast from the windows, to be discarded in the rivers.


On the sixth day


After the fighting and the capture of the building,

the original UNMARLED man, washed the melon off his

clothes and climbed the stairs and stood on the balcony

facing the thousands of UNMARLED. All sat at 90 degrees

hands in the air, mouth open sucking in each other’s

UNMARLED breath. As he began to speak,

the flag of the UNMARLED was pitched on the roof.


“We are the UNMARLED men, women and children.

We have taken the building

we have taken the city

we have taken the GOVERNMENT,”

It couldn’t have been less spectacular.


On the seventh day


Nothing but, absolutely nothing but


Nation of the UNMARLED.


My thoughts on the coming election and our democracy

It has reached that time of year when political surmises are rife. And sadly, we all gravitate our thinking towards politics. It would be tremendously tedious for me to write a scathing piece about the current political system, so I will try to make it as light-hearted and facetious as possible. If you are currently fortunate enough to be basking in the golden shower of political apathy, then you are far luckier than I am, and I would urge you strongly to continue as you are doing, and above all enjoy your life. The reality of our slide towards the abyss, and our powerlessness to change anything is depressing, but somehow I am attracted to the horror of it all. The attraction is comparable to the one we have for horror films. Did I enjoy watching the Hills Have Eyes people raping each other? No but I was attracted to it, because it exists. And if it exists I desire know about it, for various reasons. images As it is approaching the election, I have 3 choices, all of which I have been persuaded to do by different people, and 2 of which I will consider doing. I’m sure that many of you also find yourself at exactly the same crossroads:  

  1. Do not vote, as a sign of protest
  2. Vote Green and support the environment and radical reform.
  3. Vote labour in order to take votes off the conservatives, who are almost indisputably the worst party of them all, and who I’d least like to get into power (narrowly).

To not vote seems very appealing to me. The logic with it is that I don’t support the political system, therefore surely a ballot paper with one of the 7 parties names on it would represent a tangible form of agreement with it. What will this option achieve? Nothing, it is futile.

To vote Green is what I’ve convinced myself I’m going to do at this election. It deeply saddens me that Natalie Bennett is their leader, she doesn’t have a clue what the correct things are to say, and seems so out of touch with the British people. However the Greens are the only party (apart from UKIP) who will truly implement radical reform, which is what we are in dire need of. People will go on about lack of jobs, privatisation of the NHS, discrimination, cuts all the time on social media, and party members will use these things to increase the size of their flock. But these are humanistic issues. Humans are going to die eventually. To most people humans are the only important thing, we have acquired a fucking divinity purely because our parents produced us one day without our permission. Climate change and the eco-system are far more important and the impending apocalypse renders all humanistic issues trivial and absurd. Even if you overtly assert that the planet is unimportant and that humans are paramount in the world, then you are committing a vile hypocrisy. Humans are the ones who will suffer the most from climate change. The predictions about the volume of water on the Earth in the near future are staggering. Our negligence of the environment is melting the ice caps. The ice caps are fucking big by the way, and the water that melts from them goes directly into the sea, this is literally burying land. Land which will be thriving with an ENORMOUSLY increased population. Picture this. It is like a really crowded and shit, apocalyptic film. It’s going to be the end of everything, and I guarantee it will be sooner than you think if our political system doesn’t abolish itself, or change dramatically. For these reasons a green vote would not be entirely futile (but still incredibly fucking futile). Natalie Bennett comments

To vote Labour is what many people I know are doing. Few because they approve of their policies, the majority argue that a vote towards labour is ‘the lesser of two evils’ and is the only vote which will be significant in getting the Conservatives the fuck out of there. I see what they are doing here. But come on for fuck’s sake, if you do this who have you become? The second worst thing you could possibly be, a labour voter. Labour still support trident. Labour have made fairytale promises in order to acquire supporters that involve crippling the economy by borrowing massive amounts of money, whilst still doing nothing about the most important problem of all. Labour have paedophiles in their ranks. Labour used to be ran by Tony Blair, one of the worst human beings you will ever have set eyes upon. Fuck that. Ed Miliband says action by the GMB to cut its funding makes a case for reform of party-union link I still don’t know what I shall do about this. I’m drawn to a reluctant vote for the greens. But I’m still very depressed about it. I am powerless in this all, I really am. The system prides itself on its having given me power, but this is a preposterous lie. Democracy sounds great in theory, especially in the Revenge Of The Sith when Anakin becomes addicted to smack and tries to kill Obi Wan; “Anikin my allegiance is to the Republic. TO DEMOCRACY!” maxresdefault (I could watch the fight that follows over and over again, God I love Ewan Mcgregor. He’s like the Scottish Sean Bean 🙂 What happened to Hayden Christensen, why don’t I see him in anything? Did he actually become Darth Vader?) So democracy sounds great. It sounds like it’s the best thing. (Despite what we live in not actually being a democracy, I’m going to call it one anyway for convenience). It sounds like the best of the acys, certainly. But the ultimate question for me is ‘Can the people be trusted?’. No of course not. Most people are passive, selfish and lack any knowledge of anything. Exactly how you would expect the oblivious products of a rampant capitalist system to be. To expand on this, the question is probably better phrased; ‘Do the people know what is best for them?’. Again the answer is an insurmountable, spit in your face kick you in the teeth no. Most people haven’t come to this conclusion but I find it impenetrable; ‘ An uninformed vote is far, far more dangerous than and uninformed abstention’ Literally, if you want to have an influence on the most important issues that surround us, you have to have applied an interest in these things, you have to have the vaguest idea what is going on, at least. If not you will obviously vote for a horrible party, which is what most people are doing, out of conformity and a desire for personal gain. Is the personal gain you get from voting conservatives if you’ve got money going to benefit the country as a whole? Of course not. Even knowledgeable people with an active interest in politics are being forced to vote for parties they don’t want to vote for in order to prevent another party from gaining power. This is therefore not a democracy, but an utter shambles. People approach the ballot box from extremely bad perspectives. Perhaps they’ve fallen for some of the curdled platitudes that are erupted from Ed Miliband’s sloth face as he looks at the camera with a smile of reprehensible compassion, and declares his party the ‘party of the people’. A political leader (like Nick Clegg did in the debate with mental health, which nobody seems to have noticed, worryingly) might raise an issue that attracts a group of people who are vulnerable, and will literally select that party based on that one principle despite knowing nothing of absolutely anything else. I sighed and provided my face with an instant face palm when I found out that my mother and her partner will be voting conservative this election, and would suggest that this represents a perfect example of the principle I have just mentioned. It’s not your fault Mum, you just don’t show an interest in politics, so your vote is bound to be a bag full of putrid filth and unwanted!  I watch nearly every single episode of Russell Brand’s Trews and I still revere the man for using his fame for a noble cause. I can see why people don’t like him, because of his narcissism, of course. But the man genuinely wants peace. Revolution is the only hope for humanity, and it is a slim pipe dream at best. Every episode I watch I see Russell repeating the same things and drawing attention to current affairs as they get worse and worse and worse, and I see a tiredness in his eyes as he desperately calls for revolution, knowing the that we have no desire to enact it.  And with every week that passes by, no such revolution occurs… Keep your blog posts, comments and stati coming, they do make a difference. It is just a case of damage limitation now. Bear in mind that you’re going to be bringing kids into the future, who will also bring kids into the future, probably continuously. All I would advise to you for the coming month is… Don’t be a cunt. images (1)   (“Subscribe here, SUBSCRIBE here!”)